What do you do when your kid discovers you are an escort, a sex worker, or a Sugar Baby?
You’ve been discovered! Now your children and family know that you are an escort. What should you do, and how to handle the situation?
Most escorts with children fear this scenario, not because of their line of work but because of the bullying and harassment they may face from other kids, neighbours and so on.
Taking advantage of the information will prepare you for being confronted with this type of talk with your child. If you read this informatively, you’ll know what to do if the situation arises.
Empathy for your children from a young age is crucial, as is building a foundation of love and trust. These seeds will all come to life one day when it comes time for the hard conversations.
Assess his knowledge of a subject and go from there
Keep in mind your child’s age, and always ask him what he knows about a topic before you start talking with him. Refrain from overwhelming him with information, and talk to him a lot. Once you know his knowledge of that particular subject, you can approach it in a way that he can understand. Avoid using big words, don’t lose yourself in endless explanations, and be brief, honest, and straightforward.
Don’t let him doubt you by talking about trust.
No relationship is more important than a mother-child relationship, a friendship, or a partnership based on trust. For this reason, you must ALWAYS keep your word when you promise something to your child, treat him as a person and not as a mindless baby, and tell him the truth even if it’s uncomfortable for you to do so.
You should begin this trust and honesty exercise with your child when they are a child and expand it as the child gets older. In the end, even if he disagrees with your life choices, you will trust him, and he will believe you if you do what you thought was best for both of you.
Keep your word at all times.
His shame, betrayal, and anger have increased since he learned about your work. It would help if you didn’t sugarcoat the truth or “make it all go away” because emotions are meant to be lived, experienced, and only after we have gone through it can we move forward with a clear mind. Let him feel that way. It’s his right.
As a result, if you find out something about your job that upsets him, give him a little space after he seems angry and aggressive towards you. Talk to him about your motivations and all the feelings you are experiencing on that topic in a neutral, safe space. Let him dive into his big feelings for a couple of days.
Say that it is OK for him to feel those emotions, and assure him that you love him and that you are available to answer any questions he may have. Acknowledge his emotions, tell him you understand how he feels, hurt, betrayed, embarrassed, angry, furious, etc. and assure him you understand how he feels.
When we are faced with extensive talks, with a big, uncomfortable revealing, with big emotions that cause distress, we tend to rush things to quickly regain that sense of calm and normality before the storm.
Nevertheless, it will take some time for the storm to pass.
Hence, don’t be afraid to be there for your children, to be emotionally available to them, to not place it on them (“I did this to make sure that we could have a roof over our heads”), even if this is partly true, he doesn’t have to feel like a part of the problem right now and don’t argue or withdraw your love if he doesn’t feel like a part of the problem.
Your child will return to your arms after the storm has passed if the seeds of love and trust have been planted. Although he may not like what you do for a living, you are at least back on the same page. Your children are intelligent and powerful underneath their tiny, fragile appearance. It would be best to treat them like adults, treat them respectfully, and always tell them the truth when speaking with them.
In that case, you can sit down and brainstorm how to overcome bullying from others, what he might do or say to protect himself, and what you can do together for the family’s welfare.