Men should know everything about dating, from being yourself to how to follow up after your date…
Is she fond of me? Are her interests waning? What’s the best way to handle this? Is a voice note too soon to send? Are you waiting for his response for a long time? Do you think she needs to respond more quickly? Do I need to say what I think?
Have you ever read something so exhausting? It’s not your fault. Our recent lockdown has made dating more challenging, and never more so now. No matter who you are, whatever your situation, dating during the pandemic has been challenging. Covid-19 is not to blame for all your romantic woes. After the pandemic, dating will be even more difficult.
When we’ve been confined all year, dating can be especially tricky.
In other words, if you’ve ever scrolled endlessly looking for hidden messages, agonized over where to meet up or endured the worst first date you could imagine, you’re not alone. You are undoubtedly not the first man to ask: ‘What is it that women want?’
Although I can’t speak for all women, I can tell you what many women want men to know about dating if you want to reenter the fray. I owe you a drink if this article leads to a happy relationship. You won’t be asked on a date by me.
Make sure you plan before the date.
That’s it, and you’re done. You’ve gathered the courage to ask out the person you’ve wanted to date forever. Maybe it wasn’t a Hollywood meet-cute, but it’s happened – whether it was on Bumble or Hinge or maybe, (gasp) in real life. In any case, you’re doing well. There is some interest, and you have yet to misread any signals.
Although progress has been good so far, we should not become complacent. By the end of this year, we hope to have a plan in place. ‘Would you like to meet me at the tube station and go to the park?’ doesn’t cut it. It happened to me once, but it was too many for me. Without plans, we wandered past countless excellent bars, afraid it wouldn’t be the other’s ‘sort of place.’ The conversation was awkward and cold, and we soon ran out of things to say.
Is there a simple solution to this planning problem? Pick a place, and think about it. Did she mention she was a vegetarian? Why not suggest a vegetarian restaurant? Is she passionate about mini-golf? That’s your date. Laziness and nonchalance are rarely sexy, but consideration and proactiveness certainly can.
Keep your comfort zone in mind when preparing for the date.
It is essential to have a plan, as we have established. However, it would be best if you didn’t go overboard. You want the date to feel natural and comfortable for you; if you don’t, your date will not feel comfortable either. A great deal of disappointment occurs when someone chooses a date that doesn’t know anything about the establishment and overdresses. What could have been a fun night turns into an evening filled with forced formality and an unfortunate wardrobe choice. I experienced this very-specific situation at a five-star Kensington hotel, and no, it was not pleasant.
I also had someone — very kindly — offer to cook for me one day. Though this is an excellent offer to receive, it’s not ideal when they don’t know how to cook much more than cereal and expect you to do most of the cooking instead. Once again, it isn’t very comfortable. What’s the lesson? Plan a date that suits your skills and is comfortable for you. If you’re relaxed, we’ll be relaxed too.
We want to see the ‘real’ you, not the charismatic, sophisticated, Martini-sipping version. Indeed, that’s clichéd, but it’s true.
Maintain a relaxed and respectful atmosphere during the date
Please do not ask why she is still single. Most men think it’s a compliment, and in reality, it’s not – but it’s a question men ask women frequently, and we don’t know what to say about it. My last encounter with it was when someone threw in the word ‘beautiful’ — which sounded fake (we were in the thick of hay fever season at the time).
The best way to ensure you don’t offend women is by discussing things they don’t like. If we want to pay for ourselves or even you on the first date, then let us.
Furthermore, consent is vital. Always (always, always) talk things over before doing anything. Pay attention to body language and tone of voice at all times. However, we don’t mean we want you to lose the romance. It’s an important question, but it doesn’t always sound natural — but if it doesn’t feel excruciating or embarrassing when it passes your lips, you’ve probably picked the right moment.
If she doesn’t seem interested in taking things further, that’s because she doesn’t. In such a case, we should move on.
If you’re not interested, follow up after the date.
If it didn’t work out, and you couldn’t have the date you wanted, that’s fine. Not everyone is made for love. But — and this is a heartbreaking and sincere plea from womankind — don’t ghost her.
Be kind to her, leave no room for misunderstanding, and keep your heads up. Drop her a friendly, respectful message, clarify your feelings, and let her know how you feel.
Don’t complain about being ‘friend-zoned’ if she decides not to pursue things further. Maintain the same courteous, respectful tone, and be polite and respectful if she genuinely says she wants to remain friends.
Instead, be happy you’ve gained a new friend and connection. After you have processed that dating experience, you should get back into dating…
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